House of Hawthorne

A Personal Response To Kanye’s The New Workout Plan

Posted on: May 24, 2012

In the fall of 2010, I decided one day to start working out and have done so on an average of five days a week since that time. I have given people the typical, personally noble reason for doing so, which is, to clarify, to be healthier. I have also achieved  and maintained the desired side effect of exercise, weight loss, specifically losing 80 pounds in total and going from a size 20 to size 10. Great! I am awesome.

Now what if I told you the first day started all this, I listened to Kanye West’s most personally nefarious song, “The New Workout Plan”? What if I told you that I was skeptical of but enticed by the idea that if one does situps (which for some reason in the song are vaguely sexual) and skips mocha lattes, one might just be able to, in Kanye’s words, “get that man [one] deserve[s]”?

This was the idea that was so tempting behind the Workout Plan, that one, okay, specifically, I, already deserve this man who could either, from the testimonials in the song, right before the dance break, possibly do things like pay a phone bill or get me a double wide? Tempting.

I am not looking for a double wide, or someone to pay my phone bill, though. I am looking for someone with whom I like to kick it. Straight up. That was my dating mantra before weight loss and it hasn’t changed. My body has changed, getting closer to what society says is preferred, but my dating prospects haven’t.

The thing is, though, I am also not the same person. I am no longer the girl who goes up to the hottest dude in the bar and tells him so. I draw into myself and group of friends more these days. I don’t know if it is a result of turning thirty and having a feeling that more is at stake, even though my end goal is the same, that person I like to hang out with.

I know for sure I compare myself physically with other women more now, which before I wouldn’t do a quarter as much.  When I weighed more, I didn’t need to. I always figured that they could be hot, and I could just be awesome. I am not saying that hot girls are not awesome, but how awesome do they have to be at the end of the day?  I would save it for the third date, if I were them, anyway. I think that is in The Rules somewhere, or maybe Robert Greene’s The Art of Seduction. I can’t remember.

I want to reclaim my self who talks to strangers. I can’t keep secretly sizing people up and dismissing myself from them pre-emptively. Because let’s face it, the boorish taunts of Kanye West to lose weight have gotten me this far, and hanging out with someone you like is pretty awesome.


5 Responses to "A Personal Response To Kanye’s The New Workout Plan"

Whenever I don’t want to work out, I listen to that song and it makes me get off of my butt and do it. I should probably listen to it right now.

This is the best post you’ve written– the honest truth. To lose– and KEEP OFF 80 lbs is something amazing– especially without a personal trainer or weight loss program! You did this on your OWN, the old-fashioned way. Wow. And the way you are so nonchalant about it is refreshing. It’s just something that you did for yourself, and even in this blog, you under-play it the accomplishment. But at the same time, it’s an adjustment emotionally too. And that’s okay.

I’m proud that you were vulnerable in this blog, because that takes serious confidence. You are a tall, awesome drink of water with great style, and maybe some dudes are intimidated by that now! You are beautiful, and always have been. Also, you’re really funny and smart– you have some of the most well-rounded knowledge of anyone I know, from sports to books.

I don’t think the new you is a lesser version of your formerly more extroverted self. I think you are just calmer. You don’t need to walk up to a dude and tell him he’s the hottest guy in the bar. Don’t measure yourself by the old you– just enjoy the new you. And enjoy it when a fine lad approaches you– because he thinks YOU are the hottest girl in the bar. I know it’s going to happen. Maybe it already has, but he couldn’t stop tripping over his words to tell you. 😉

There is so many complications to this. But it is basically before you lost weight the rejection could be attributed to your appearance, and therefore you have nothing to lose, because it’s superficial anyway. Now the new you cannot “blame” your appearance on rejection, so therefore, it would be safe to assume it is your personality. There is too much at stake now. It is also due to your new found confidence that maybe you have become a bit more choosy and there is not as much out there that even peaks your interest. Pls. Don’t be offended by my words, as this is a stupid universal truth, I don’t make the rules. If I did, I would shackle Virgina Hawthorne in my attic and make her write her novel:). So in conclusion, put yourself back out there and just wear low cut shirts, that way it will never be about your “personality”.

I love you Virginia.

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