House of Hawthorne

Do You Ever Smile?

Posted on: February 16, 2012

Today a guy that lives in my apartment complex introduced himself to me and asked, “Do you ever smile? You always look sad.” I was, shall I say, affronted. Something about it just stuck in my craw. I can only assume he was trying to get me to start talking to him and defend my facial expressions as I am walking home from wherever I come from, but I certainly didn’t rise to any bait. I read the Mystery Method, and I don’t think this was in there, for a reason.

I can only imagine this was a form of a pick up line, not to sound conceited; I had to pull my hand away after he shook my hand for no good reason and he introduced himself twice as I was walking away. I react poorly whenever confronted with pick up lines. My brain, having been attuned from a lifetime of reading stories, including a not embarrassing at all amount of romance novels, instantly begins to extrapolate the type of person from the line itself. When someone asks if I ever smile, I imagine that person emotionally manipulating me into feeling guilty for my emotions forever. Here’s your smile, jerk.

And it’s not like I am ever that miserable. I am actually, albeit sometimes privately, a generally happy person. The bottom line for why I try to breeze past any dudes that live around me without is my dad’s favorite thing: safety. They are, simply put, dudes that know where I live. I am all for the idea of spreading joy throughout the land by smiling, and I know everyone is more attractive when they smile, but I honestly couldn’t care less if my neighbors find me attractive. The most I am prepared to offer you is a terse “Hi.”

I read this article about this phenomenon of women not smiling in public, and the answer to getting me to smile is not telling me to smile, it’s telling me a joke or being silly. Simply put. It is a lost art you only find in men of a certain age these days, but if you are going to ask why I am not smiling, be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.


3 Responses to "Do You Ever Smile?"

Hey Baby, post here often?

You know, not as often as I would like to. I need to get on a more regular schedule. I sometimes try answering all these hypothetical questions extremely earnestly. Heya Paul!

Glad you saw that d-bag in your apartment complex for what he is, Virginia. I am totally with you– that is a creepy pick-up line. Ick! Instead of doubting yourself, you have the self-esteem to know this guy is shady. I haven’t encountered that one yet– I have gotten the more aggressive version a few times: “Smile!” Gross!

Major kudos for using the words “affronted” and “extrapolate.” Why do I always forget about those?!

I know you– and you have a genuine smile. It’s not something you give out indiscriminately– it can be sarcastic at times too! Sometimes the sarcastic smiles are the best. Hee. If you ask me, the fact that you saw through that dude it a reason to smile IN ITSELF! Brava, sister.

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