House of Hawthorne

I won a double-elimination caps tournament Saturday.

Posted on: March 21, 2011

On Saturday night we went over to a drinking games-themed party, and the main event was a game called “caps.” (wikipedia)

I had never played this one before, and I don’t like to do things I’m bad at against strangers, so I arranged to take a dive in the first round. I’m playing this game against one of my best friends, R, (I can update this if you want me to use your name, homie) and I keep accidentally throwing these damn caps in this cup. I try for a while to take the pre-arranged dive, but these caps I’m throwing are magnetically drawn for some reason. I am a caps natural.

I beat two dudes, and I’m facing the only other undefeated person in the place. She had just finished slaughtering R’s boyfriend, who was the winner of the first two tournaments and countless games over the years, apparently. Oh, I haven’t mentioned there’s a big wrestling belt involved for the winner. Before winning was in my sights, I was saying things like “I wouldn’t even the keep the belt, anyway.” But now, it’s close, you see.

I confer with the defending champion as to the other undefeated girl’s weaknesses.  She’s drunker than I am, apparently, but she’s great at the lucky “bank off something” shot, which gets you two points. During our round, she and I get along well, but it is a close game. She’s ahead for a bit, but I realize I don’t want to lose, honestly. I wouldn’t describe myself as a competitive person but I would definitely describe myself as a person who likes to surprise people with competence.  So, I drop the hammer on this girl. Then we dance.

That’s how I roll, you see.

I get to sit down for a bit, and bask in whatever glory one achieves from being the winner of the winner’s bracket in a double-elimination tournament of caps in somebody’s man cave. I get to wait while everybody else fights it out to play me, and then that person has to beat me twice. Of course, it’s the defending champion.  He beats me once, but then at some point a switch goes off and I start knocking them down. I win the belt.

Of course, while I am leaving with the belt, the party thrower tells me I can’t actually keep the belt. I hand it back without complaint. For one night I was the champion of double-elimination caps tournament, and that’s good enough for me.


1 Response to "I won a double-elimination caps tournament Saturday."

This is the best blog thus far, keep ’em coming! I wanna hear more tales of your debauchery.

“I wouldn’t describe myself as a competitive person but I would definitely describe myself as a person who likes to surprise people with competence.”

Best part of this post!! Here’s to surprising’ ’em with competence! I’ve never played Caps, but if I did drink these days, I wouldn’t go up against you in a drinking game involving coordination. I’ve failed epically at Quarters, Beer Pong, and that’s enough evidence that I would also be WHOMPED in Caps.

Glad you’re not attached to the champion belt you can’t actually keep overnight. That’s a crock!!

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